Ambition

The Daily Bitsian

“I am not enough. Me, in my current shape, size, accomplishments, who I am, as I am, right now, is never enough. I’m looking for more.”

– Meghana Kumar

I am ambition.

I’m quiet and I take walks with you on dusky, star-studded nights. I stay up late at night with you, and I’m the only one there for you when you feel like all is lost. I’m hope’s more sensible cousin. I am the friend that never leaves. I am the only one who can fix you when you’re deeply broken.

I am the architect in your head. Your life is my project. I spend most of my time sketching blueprints for the dreams you build. I stitch them together with to-do lists and packed schedules.

I am the plans in your head. I barely live in the present. My heart is stuck in the future. I only…

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Alone

No matter how many claim to love you
No matter how high your throne
In the morning everyone cheers you
But in the night, you always cry alone

Old bed time stories tell you
People who love you will always hold on
But know to pick yourself up boy
Cause no one sees you when you fall and bemoan

Don’t look for help,
Don’t look for shoulders to cry on,
Wounds cant be healed be those
Who only know to peacefully mourn.

It’s a different world
Different from your imagination
Depending upon empathy of others here
You realise you are alone
All on your own

Butterfly

When the tides have swept away
And the flowers begin to bloom
You see a beautiful butterfly
That once more makes you swoon

Dwelling in the moisture of the morning dew
And in the rhythm of the petals surrounding
It adds colors to all around it, while
It dances a dance enchanting

It is, but a butterfly,
Embodiment of everything beautiful and bright
It belongs to such greenery
That each day inspires delight

You have but thorns pointing outside,
Inside you enclose all you need
A desert cactus is what you’ve become
A deserted life is what you lead

Why let your dreams tread into
The mirror house of fantasy
And crash and cut yourself again
Drugged by the same old fallacy

Hope is a good thing, but don’t tell yourself lies
Dear friend,
Cactus plants are never visited by butterflies.

Whiskey and Cigarettes

Early morning dream
That wakes me up panting
It’s a glimpse of me in the world
I had been slowly forgetting

And now I start the day again
Just as I had yesterday
With the beautiful pictures of my mind
Fading into reality

I wake up to an aftertaste
of heartache, dismay and regrets
I turn my tired eyes around,
Whiskey and cigarettes

Nothing wrong waking next to it
It’s the floor that hurts a little bit
With a heavy head and a heavier heart
And a promise to return early tonight

I make my way down the hall
For my show may start any minute now
I hurriedly put on my costume
And tie my mask as I go

With a gleaming smile I enter the stage
And tread the boards with finesse
I perform to a crowd carefully watching me
Eyes affixed on my face

But none of that fazes me anymore
For even the toughest audience get posessed
When you have been secretly mentored by
Whiskey and cigarettes.

And with the final spectator enchanted
I finally turn for the curtain call
Been on my legs on borrowed strength
In solitude I can peacefully crawl

My windows hopelessly offer me
the picturesque scene sun has painted
Every beautiful sunset I watch without you
Is another beautiful sunset wasted

And the grief of reality catches up to me
And hugs me so tighly I lose my breath
I greet it the second best way I know
With Whiskey and Cigarettes

Sentinel

Reading the directions written in blood
And milestones etched in distress
I’m crawling inch by inch
On the fiery road to your fortress

Oh what dreams I had of this world
Its bricks made of hope
Carpets that smelled of unrequited love
And walls painted with a bright blue coat

The walls around it reaching to the sky
Is it they I blame this travesty on
For keeping everyone outside ignorant
While the merciless raids inside carried on

Now I wonder what use are those walls
Their strength, their extremities
When your worst blows never
came from your enemies

Oh I see the gates now
I guess I made some progress
Forgive the squalid way I look
On the way I lost my horses

And the silver one I was riding,
I traded with the gods
For a crown and and a staff and a royal dress
For I intend to carry you back to your throne
Once I find my way into your fortress

Dementia

…because I can’t be stuck in a dream that’s falling apart
Yes I wish I could have known it from the start

But would’ve the journey been so beautiful
If I knew it was to end in a stone wall
The most honest moments of my heart
Would they have found themselves at all

But now the fall isn’t worth the pain anymore
Why watch my blood splattered on the ground
And my heart torn asunder
For no reason other than my greed
Of staying alive one day longer

I’d rather be the half dead shadow
unkissed by love and its fever
I lose my soul, but stitch another
I lose the feeling of love and passion
but now I am free for ever

Mirage

Stab me a thousand times
Cut me a bit more each time
Drain the colours out of my life
Then wake me tomorrow same time

Show me the most beautiful
face that I have seen
Make me the happiest person
I could have ever been
Delude me into believing
that I could be ever so lucky
Then throw me back to reality
One which you aren’t in

Teach me to love once again
Teach me to feel compassion then
Make me the kind and undress my soul
Then ask cruelty to gingerly craft my pain

You made me believe in miracles
You made me believe in fate
But now they are just two more things to hate

Oh dear lord, have mercy on my soul
And salvage me from this state

Or are you just a jester and me, a mere puppet ?

Fire

Put out the fire that burns in your heart.
Ignited by love that was supposed to last
No one is sitting beside it, any more
No one to receive its warmth, my dear

Nobody will know of the passion you hold
Of how you would have foolhardily fought the world
To keep that tiny speck of happiness unharmed
Whose light each day formed your world

Put out the fire that burns in your heart
That kills you each day and tears you apart
While you wait for the day it finally engulfs you
As fate laughs at the spell it cast

You were a mistake made by god, my friend
No one was made to love like that
He will pay for his cruelty, one day
After I die, I WILL SEE TO THAT.